Screenplay Scribblers T-Shirts

Alan Bennett

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Herman Mankiewicz

"Bloody hell!"

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Multi-Tasking

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Quentin Tarantino

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Now all we need is a good script."

Puss in Heels

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

Dear Diary

Irvine Welsh

"I've never been this excited about an anal probe before!"

Will Self deprecation

"Less talking, more abducting."

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'Oh man, every time.'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Fredrich March as Dr. Jekyll

John Waters

"I just don't think a giant flaming blob of alien ectoplasm would say that."

"I'm just a giant, rampaging gorilla, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love me."