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Multi-Tasking

Hollywood director.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Puss in Heels

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Now all we need is a good script."

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

Will Self deprecation

Fredrich March as Dr. Jekyll

'Oh man, every time.'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"Less talking, more abducting."

Dear Diary

"I've never been this excited about an anal probe before!"

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

"I'm just a giant, rampaging gorilla, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love me."

"You caught it, you probe it."