Screenplay Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

AJP Taylor.

'Oh man, every time.'

"Trust me, Max. Our script captures the warp and the woof of the way people really live!"

"Your book stinks - but it's just the kind of stupid drivel that would sell as a t.v. movie."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

Stand-up Romcom

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Bloody hell!"

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."