Screen Time Strategist Pillows

"Wow, this new version is a way more immersive waste of our youth."

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

"I would work from home, but I don't want my kids to see all the screen time I get."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Screen Limits

"I hate to say this, but I miss the days when all he did was stare at his phone."

"Can Bobby come out and tweet?"

"Hey, Siri, where is my phone that's usually in my hand?"

"My eyes ache, that's enough zoom meetings and screentime for today."

The Thinker (Millennials Edition)

"He doesn't sleep, what can we possibly do?"

"Dear, putting your phone down while eating is not 'living off the grid.'"

With all the distractions in today's society, the moms decided to gather their kids together for a good old fashioned play date.

'Mom! I'm not a couch potato, I'm your media consultant.'

'I don't sit here all the time, Mom. Just June through August.'

'I know I shouldn't use it as a babysitter but it's the only way I can get any housework done.'

The Battle Between Television and Literacy.

'You were reading? Well, how come the TV's warm and the eReader is cold?'

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'

'I haven't raised my head to look in a mirror in forever. Have I aged?'

"Honey, the babysitter's here."

'Buy 1000 more credits or the snappy slime monster will gobble your pixie.'

We can't pry your grandson's hands from his video games. Be firm. Easy for you to say. We didn't have all this electronic junk when we were kids. You didn't have to deal with them. Oh, really? Does "turn off the boob tube now!" ring a bell? Sorry. Too far repressed.

"I know I shouldn't let them have so much screen time, but how else am I supposed o get anything done?"

"I've heard they only have a six second attention span."

Cemented

"Go around the block, my show's not done."

"Should we watch the lighthearted workplace comedy or the dystopian workplace drama?"

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

I should probably get out more.