Screen Fans Gifts

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

Coexist. Coexhaust.

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

Desert Dermatologist

Starvation Watching

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

"I love my luvvie."

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

Screensaver says project compiling.

"Oh, that's just one of those special effects for a film they're making here."

"The director told me we were going to green-screen the cat in!"

"Can you play with him for a while? His battery died."

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"Wake up."

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

"Yeah, I see the outgoing calls, but what about the introverted ones?"

'We won't be needing a kitchen now we can afford take away every night.'

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

Stephen Fry

They watch for a while, then, unlike humans, they get bored.

'It's too nice to be inside watching cable! Now, go outside and play on some.'

Ned hated being famous: "Hey, everybody! It's the substitute weather guy who wore a green sweater on camera and looked like he had a hole in his body!"

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

Scranton the Ride

'Working from home is great! You can keep your mind occupied watching daytime TV.'

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

"Why don't you take a break, Tia Carmen? You're working way too hard."

Wow. Is your heartbeat in stereo? It's actually beyond stereo, doctor. You should get yourself a quadrophonic stethoscope!

'I'm running away from home as soon as the next commercial comes on!'

Pizza. I found the remote but now I can't find the TV.

Community Playhouse. Actually, live theater is always in 3-D. (Published originally on March 11, 2014.)

'The Sunday funnies in PowerPoint... your dad is awesome, Billy!'