Scolding Aficionados Gifts

Mothers Without Borders

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

Geekasaurus.

'Don't you ever get tired of all the whispering?'

"I hate when this happens."

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'

'A four-leaf clover! They say it brings luck!'

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"I'm married to a control freak!"

'Do something else - I don't like irony.'

The AdRams Family no.8 - Boy sent out of his room for punishment

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

'Wow, a weird animal without a mouth.'

"A pox on your house red."

'55 minutes? Really? And you call yourself the fastest land mammal?'

Stunning politeness.

'Thanks, it's an English word - it means 'spiritual warrior'.'

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

'A1 Hammocks Ltd.'

'It's three-fifteen, sir - You're scheduled to do something spontaneous.'