Scolding Aficionados Pillows

Mothers Without Borders

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Procrastinators Incorporated

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

Geekasaurus.

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'Don't you ever get tired of all the whispering?'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"I hate when this happens."

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'

'A four-leaf clover! They say it brings luck!'

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

'Do something else - I don't like irony.'

'Wow, a weird animal without a mouth.'

"I'm married to a control freak!"

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

"A pox on your house red."

The AdRams Family no.8 - Boy sent out of his room for punishment

'55 minutes? Really? And you call yourself the fastest land mammal?'

Stunning politeness.

'Thanks, it's an English word - it means 'spiritual warrior'.'

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

'A1 Hammocks Ltd.'

'It's three-fifteen, sir - You're scheduled to do something spontaneous.'