Insult Aficionados Gifts

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Who's the new guy?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

Geekasaurus.

"Can't fool me, Jake, there's a coach comin' in!"

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'Of course, Mr. Handley here is the one who does all the hiring and firing.'

"I find it helps me concentrate."

Career counselor: 'If you want a great job, that won't be exported, get into politics.'

Santa Enjoys Venison.

"I told you not to hand in that evaluation form until after we'd docked!"

"I hate when this happens."