Science Pun Aficionado Gifts

'The SPCA called on Schrodinger...'

Happy Bifurcation Day,

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

The Food Chain

She loves to play with string theory.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

The Physiciatrist...

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

A Brain Drain

"We've invented a new quantum microchip and at the same time we haven't."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"Here comes the super-visor."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

'Fred, rumor has it you're closing in on some profound, elemental truth about the universe, and I wanted to remind you that our research funding specifically prohibits that!'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"I don't know - the minute I figured out how to make it self-aware it realized it was naked, ran, and hid from me."

'And the actual value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question or whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or...POP.'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Professor...what are you doing?

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

"Kevin's sort of a negative person, while I tend to be positive, so we have an electrical connection."

Hell's Schlegel

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Pi and mash squared please."

The Principal of Inertia.

"You know that's not what I meant by 'give me a hand'!"

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'