Schoolyard Historian Gifts

"It's nice to finally be able to put a face to the humiliating nickname."

Bully accepts Paypal, Venmo or Bitcoin

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

The Children's Crusade - 'You give the boys cooties, we'll give the girls cooties - we're back in a week.'

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

Rosewood Elementary E. Osgood Principal. I know you'll tell my parents about this, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell Santa.

Careful

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

Teacher's Lounge

'What do you like about her?'

'This looks like a really hot piece of gossip, Edna!'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'If a tree falls in the forest...Do the other trees laugh at it?'

'I got lost in between all the classroom trailers at school again.'

'I don't have a dog, so have to eat homework myself.'

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

'I didn't want to peak too soon.'