Schoolyard Historian Gifts

"It's nice to finally be able to put a face to the humiliating nickname."

Bully accepts Paypal, Venmo or Bitcoin

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

The Children's Crusade - 'You give the boys cooties, we'll give the girls cooties - we're back in a week.'

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

Teacher's Lounge

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'What do you like about her?'

'This looks like a really hot piece of gossip, Edna!'

'If a tree falls in the forest...Do the other trees laugh at it?'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

'I got lost in between all the classroom trailers at school again.'

'I don't have a dog, so have to eat homework myself.'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

'I didn't want to peak too soon.'

"My day in school? Oh, it was special. I got a lot of attention and advice from the principal herself."

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."