Schooltime Funster Pillows

"I'm Ms. Merrill. I'm an educator, and you are educatees."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"You spoil that boy."

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.