School Funster Pillows

'Quick, Harry, I need a presentation before I go to my daughter's show and tell.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"You spoil that boy."

Football

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.