Education Funster Pillows

"I didn't bring an apple, so how about a fruit roll up?"

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

"I was all set to go to the gym, but you'd be amazed how much, yoga class and pour-a-glass, sound alike."

Pirates

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

The TROU of the Baroque

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"I don't like to complain, but this cud is a bit overchewed."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"Goodbye cruel world."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.