School Shopping Skeptic Gifts

'I hate school shopping! I hate school shopping! I hate. . . School shopping probably won't kill me. . . school shopping probably won't kill me.'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

School Days

Down on Her.

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"There's definitely enough growing room."

'You know you're getting old when they ask for colored pencils instead of crayons.'

Financial Christmas

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

Back to school expenses.

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

'Hey! Who changed this water into wine?'

'Fine Alix, you don't have to go school shopping. I'll bring home jeans and shirts for you to try. . . but tomorrow, rain or shine, we're going shoe shopping.'

Back to School Bucks.

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

"School starts in two weeks!"

"Mom, if this is putting a strain on our finances, I could take a year off."

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

"Why don't you just go to the supermarket like everybody else?"