School Saga Gifts

"Your grades are suffering. Ask your dad to stop helping you with your homework."

'Listen kid, I'm sorry to hear that you're banned from class, but if you're going to hang out with me all day, you're gonna have make yourself more useful.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Curse or not, Dave had to pass this exam.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Dad got your note threatening to fail me. Here's dad's attorney's note threatening to sue you."

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

Smirking or Non-smirking

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

"When I said to fight back, I didn't realize the school bully you were referring to was the principal!"

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

'Any other counter-terrorism experience besides driving a junior high school bus?'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

The first day of school is always filled with crazy emotions. Joy and trauma. Triumph and failure. Frustration and disappointment. And that's just dealing with my cruddy new locker.

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

"Dad, I misbehaved at school again, so my teacher sent me home with a bill for her therapy."

'My first thought was to say, 'I made a mistake', but then I began to have second thoughts...'Telling me not to do it'.'

'What are you eating?' 'Paste.'

'What'

"I stood up to the class bully like you said, Dad. . . then she punched me in the eye!"

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'