School Routine Commentator Gifts

"Mom, can you take me to school? It takes forever when dad does."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Back to school: The Horror,

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'That's what you get for skipping geometry class.'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."