School Routine Commentator Pillows

"Mom, can you take me to school? It takes forever when dad does."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

Back to school: The Horror,

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

'That's what you get for skipping geometry class.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Teacher removes 'School Paper' sign and replaces it with 'School Blog' sign.

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'