School Meal Enthusiasts Gifts

'Is the scab-e-matter custard and green snot pie organic?'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

"She said this is not the same old alphabet soup, this one has a new font."

'What's intravenous feeding? My mom says if I don't eat my vegetables, she'd do that to me!'

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Don't forget... I packed your lunch for school..."

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

'Wow! That was fast, I only yelled 'Dinner' once!'

"Ever since we started home schooling, I've developed more of an appreciation for school lunches."

"I love math! I love spelling! I love school lunches!"

Pink slime hot dogs.

"Bleah! I'd stick to football if I were you, Rashford"

'I always take my lunch on fish stick day.'

"I won't miss Michelle Obama."

"I don't understand my mom! She packed me two lunches like I'm the world's biggest eater!"

"Did your mom commandeer your lunch account again?"

'Well of course the custard's lumpy...it's got garlic in it.'

"Don't tell him, but the fries are made of soy too!"

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

'No, It's not last years leftovers.'

"Baldo? You left green beans on your plate!"

'And now a moment of silence so that we may never forget the tragic events of March 31st. . . when we ran out of napkins on sloppy Joe Day.'

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)