School Meal Advocate Gifts

"Bleah! I'd stick to football if I were you, Rashford"

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"This means that dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"What's it gonna take for all of us to eat together like a family?"

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

I told you we should have split a meal.

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

"She said this is not the same old alphabet soup, this one has a new font."

'What's intravenous feeding? My mom says if I don't eat my vegetables, she'd do that to me!'

"Can I have a standard lunch bag please Mum? They make fun of me at school when I eat out of my nose bag..."

"Ever since we started home schooling, I've developed more of an appreciation for school lunches."

"Don't forget... I packed your lunch for school..."

"Mexican food?! This is America! I want pizza!"

Pink slime hot dogs.

"I love math! I love spelling! I love school lunches!"

"Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!"

'I always take my lunch on fish stick day.'

"I won't miss Michelle Obama."

"I don't understand my mom! She packed me two lunches like I'm the world's biggest eater!"

"Did your mom commandeer your lunch account again?"

'Well of course the custard's lumpy...it's got garlic in it.'

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

'Is the scab-e-matter custard and green snot pie organic?'

'And now a moment of silence so that we may never forget the tragic events of March 31st. . . when we ran out of napkins on sloppy Joe Day.'

"Baldo? You left green beans on your plate!"

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)