School Lunch Staff Gifts

'No, It's not last years leftovers.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"Did you read this report? The average member of staff takes 19 minutes for lunch!"

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

"This means that dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich."

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Schoolboy with lunch box.

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

'I will be a chaperone at the senior prom. I need a prom dress but I don't want to be mistaken for a student.'

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

'This is our real-time chat room.'

I usually hate to chaperone. Ditto. The girls dress like tramps. Tonight they are all covered up. As they should be. Maybe the principal talked to them. Better than that. She turned off the heat. Are they grinding or huddling for warmth.

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

Boy at Computer.

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

Cunning as a Fox hey? Well, I saw you cheating Mister! D-Minus!

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'