School Lunch Gifts

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

"I don't understand my mom! She packed me two lunches like I'm the world's biggest eater!"

'I always take my lunch on fish stick day.'

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Schoolboy with lunch box.

"This means that dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich."

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"Glad you have time for lunch today, honey."

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

"She said this is not the same old alphabet soup, this one has a new font."

'What's intravenous feeding? My mom says if I don't eat my vegetables, she'd do that to me!'

"I suggest we take lunch before I read the rest of it."

"So you're cool with Tia Carmen working here?"

"Don't forget... I packed your lunch for school..."

"Ever since we started home schooling, I've developed more of an appreciation for school lunches."

"Can I have a standard lunch bag please Mum? They make fun of me at school when I eat out of my nose bag..."

"Nothing for me, thanks."

"I love math! I love spelling! I love school lunches!"

Pink slime hot dogs.

"Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!"

"I won't miss Michelle Obama."

"Did your mom commandeer your lunch account again?"

'Well of course the custard's lumpy...it's got garlic in it.'

"When I said I didn't mind you having lunch at your desk, I was thinking of a light snack."

'No, It's not last years leftovers.'

'And now a moment of silence so that we may never forget the tragic events of March 31st. . . when we ran out of napkins on sloppy Joe Day.'

"Baldo? You left green beans on your plate!"

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

"You know, everybody says cafeteria food is good for nothing...but I disagree."