School Headmaster Gifts

'It's your headmaster, Fatty. He's worried you're being bullied at school.'

"It's not fair, dad, I'm being called names an' bullied at school 'cos we won the lottery an' we're rich."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

Big Bang Theory.

Yummy Mummies

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Feel my claw of death!"

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

'146 days of leadership without any negative press.'

'Long term I want student achievement to increase. Short time I want a cup of coffee and a biscotti.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

'I tell you, dad, Miss Hamilton is a witch!'

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

A new schoolmaster testing students on geography

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"This may take a minute as my mom's menu options have changed."

"Your spelling, grammar and typography are all dreadful... Do you really want to end up as a cartoonist when you're older..??

Education Guidance

2B or not 2B

"She's a high grade teacher."