School Funding Gifts

'Now that you're history, I'll be sure to look for you on our final exam,'

School Budgets Suffer During Great Recession

"If you ask me, school funding should skip the middleman and just pay me to study harder!"

"I'm sure you would bring many things the school. Pupil funding being the most important."

Ethics exam cheater.

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

"You weren't laid off...it's called Summer break."

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Pinara fund

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'I will now read the results of my experiments in fruit genetics. . .'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"You pay taxes to send me to school? Hey, that's where you can save money."

Dummy. Now we have to apply for another grant.

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

'Were there any new buzzwords created while I was out to lunch.'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks