Funding Education Gifts

'My net worth? Do you mean after taxes? Or after I pay for your education?'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

Pinara fund

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

'And here's my collection of stock in DiscoCorp... or as I call it, your college fund.'

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

"...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education..."

Dummy. Now we have to apply for another grant.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"Daddy made six hours of your tuition today."

'I didn't get a grant.'

"Formula for the new product?" "No, that's our grant going down the drain!"

Made Possible By A Grant...

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

"Our funding has gone into a black hole."

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

How was your summer, Miss Tully? Lousy. The budget stinks so they're cutting bus routes. I might lose my job! Oh, no. That's terrible. I might have to walk to school.

'Of course, the really big money is in junk science.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"It's a large gift - a very large gift. So the question is: do we rename ourselves 'Aunt Tilly's Frozen Fish University'?"

'Please, sir. Help me open a kickstarter account...'

"You want to borrow 1.2 million dollars to meet your school district's budget?"

Dr Frankenstein: 'Lost my grant - please help!'

It's parents' night. They're discussing the college admissions process. Isn't it early for that? Are you kidding? They'll explain how to pay for 50-grand-a-year tuitions. In that case � It's already way too late.

"So, thought you could use your mutated rate to intimidate me into increasing your funding, eh? Well, think again, bucko!"