School Fundraising Gifts

'Could I interest you in some of my son's school raffle tickets?'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Our war is against cancer."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"Well, we got the grant."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

The nonprofit dog fight.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.