School Fair Gifts

Face painting by numbers.

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

'Mom, Dad! Look what I created in lab today!'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

"That concludes my presentation on popular music and alternative energy."

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Paul goes home for the holidays

PROBLEM AREAS

Nuclear generation of energy.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

King of Music.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

Show and Tell.

For our eco-night entertainment we have Kim's "Dance Against Global Warming," Zahir's "Rap for the Eco Cure" and Twig's "Post-Carbon Poetry Slam." How about you, Jason? I'll explain metal organic vapor deposition in solar panels. Well! We'll see who's into heavy metal.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Science fair judge sees flower pot broken on floor near sign saying 'gravity'.

'For the last time, Megan, she won a blue ribbon at the Imperial Valley Fair... I mean, my hands are tied here.'

Our eco-prom theme is "Jungle Paradise." Decorations will be live plants. I see where this is leading. Can you bring in trees and bushes for the night? Sure. But

The interminable!

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

After Darwin - "I won't spoil it and tell you the ending."

I'm no longer welcome at the county fair.

'This morning I was the second largest pumpkin at the State Fair...'

Not only did I flunk my science presentation, it went viral on YouTube!

"When do the kids go back to school?" "Oh, I don't know... 8 days, 16 hours and 47 minutes... or so."

'And then when I push this button it magnetizes the ions and...'