School Expat Gifts

"Hard to believe that school's almost over."

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

Emigrating to France.

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Somewhere in France - John O'Dowd jests away his junior year abroad

"Our immigration lawyer is now living in Guatemala."

"In the spirit of compromise, Canada is willing to offer any state of the United States, sanctuary if they wish to secede."

I wanted to holiday at home...But in Spain.

On today's Ask Sadie Radio Hour, we discuss one topic: the constant flirtation with fleeing to Canada. Canada has universal health insurance, far fewer killings, much less bigotry, more social mobility, better schools, less obesity, 50 weeks maternity leave, blah blah blah. But that means nothing, because you know what they don't have? Panicky media telling you who to blame for the sky falling! We'll be back, after this message from Depends Undergarments.

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Pension planning for Brexit

'They gave me a choice...they would either off-shore my job, or I could keep my job if I moved to India.'

A Sudden Transfer To The Tokyo Office

Half French/half English.

English man in Australia during christmas

Somewhere In France...The Watsons have just discovered that English is not the universal language after all.

Somewhere in France: Reilly has become more French than the French themselves.

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

'You can't find a job?... Have you tried Asia?'

Back to school anchor

'I won't be at school anymore, my head is full.'

'I see that you're a fully integrated immigrant to this country.'

A teacher introduces the new student to the class - he's an alien - 'Good evening class, this is Zork and he will be joining us until he learns enough English to conquer the Earth...'

External Revenue Service

"What's full English breakfast in Spanish?"

I"m living the American dream in Beijing.

"In many Latin American countries, Columbus Day is celebrated as 'Dia de la Raza.' In The Bahamas, it's called 'Discovery Day.' In Argentina, it's known as 'Day of the Americas.'"

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

"Two more days and school's out for summer! No more homework, no more tests, no more teachers..."