School Advisor Gifts

"Please remind your mom and dad that its not a parent-teacher-attorney conference."

Ethics exam cheater.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

I will study my speling words...

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

U of Debt

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

Yummy Mummies

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'