Medical School Advisor Gifts

"Enjoying 'Hannibal' isn't really sufficient reason for applying to become a doctor!"

Ethics exam cheater.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

U of Debt

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Just go with the workflow."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

Saving for College.

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

Teacher has two boxes: "Book Smart" and "Street Smart"

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"At least he's honest about it..."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

Govt. UK led by Seance

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.