Scheduling Satirist Gifts

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

How I met your mother

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Boring Board Meeting

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

'Secondhand smoke.'

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I started at the bottom and worked my way up to not caring."

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'Time manager'

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

Beating by Appointment.

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'I've got my bandages to protect me!'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

Down with canned laughter.

Sunset Romance

Power Point Hell

No Coin Flipping

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."