Scheduled Satirist Gifts

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

How I met your mother

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

The little engine that delegated

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

The Evolution Of Man