Meeting Satirist Gifts

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

No Coin Flipping

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

"If, in the meeting, you'll roll over and play dead I think the rest of the board will follow."

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

"In order to meet the targets as outlined in the minutes of the management blah! blah! co-ordinate future policy settings to maximise eempowermnt blah customer led services blah monitoring effectiveness." "Did he just say blah! blah?" "Twice!"

Boring Board Meeting

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

"No, Mike, we're NOT. And it only makes this meeting seem longer with you asking 'are we there yet' every 5 minutes!"

'We're just lucky that we have jobs in which we don't have to know what we're doing.'

Power Point Hell

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

"Before we start the meeting do we have any apologies?"

"Should have been spelled B-O-R-E-D!"

"Mr. Crane is running behind schedule. Please make yourself a waffle and have a seat."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'All those in favor...'

'Let's get this straight - to agree to elect a working party to investigate the feasibility of forming a sub-committee which was formed to make a decision about the method of forming committees during the course...'

"Any other objections?"

Boss tells employee: 'If you keep complaining about office bullying, Bignose, I'll have no option but to give you a wedgie.'

"Would whoever is rattling his saber while I'm speaking please stop?"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Occu-Pie Mars

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

They're Not Just That Into It

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Torturing the English Language

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

Trump pardons