Scent Design Gifts

"I've decided - I want to create my own essence."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Have you no common scents?!'

"But everyone else gets to market their own personal scent!"

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"Do you smell something?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

"Potential buyers of the company are coming through today. Tell everyone to look sharp and put a few bowls of potpourri here and there."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

"It's less of a spell than it is a signature scent."

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

"What pheromone are you using?"

"Uh-oh,...she smells another dog in my portfolio..."

'I say we back off: I can't smell fear at all...'

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

"Well done, yes, it's a skunk scent. Concentrate though, can you smell the faint trace of perfume? It's a female skunk..."

'You know it's time to bath the dog when he starts to smell like a gym bag!'

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

Again, that's yours.

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

'Don't pay any attention to him . . . his social networking relies on his sense of smell.'

"Young Master downright lied to Mistress! I can smell he didn't use soap or shampoo when he took his bath!"

Scientists discovered an immense hole in Siberia. Nobody knows what caused it. Some think global warming melted a huge, gas-filled hill made of ice so fast that is exploded. Let's let them go on thinking that, little buddy. House of Java.net Cybercafe. By the way, if you ever go out to the middle of nowhere to brew your own black market cologne, make sure you don't brew it on a hill made of ice. That does not constitute an admission of anything.

At the animal perfume fair.

"I was attracted by his edgy cynicism, but I hated his cologne."

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

"Wait, are you wearing my Hermes 24 Faubourg."

'Those plug in air-fresheners seem to do the trick.'