Scenes Of Crime Officer Pillows

"Well done my son! There's a shell case in the corner. . .and number that stain."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Joan Hickson

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"We need rain."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

Slow Night

Miami Mice

"So that's where you were last night."

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

"Paper or plastic?"

Turkey Autopsy

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'We've got a new DNA database...'

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"Remember - this meeting never happened, we never met, and you never wore that tie with that jacket."

Penguin identity parade

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

Bureau of Missing Persons