Scatalogical Humor Fan Pillows

Wait Your Turn!

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dog in casino.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

How men process questions.

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)