Scapegoat Storyteller T-Shirts

'Instead of trying to fix the problem, sometimes it's best just to step back and blame the system.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

The one that got away

'Are we there yet?'

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

Fishing with God

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Fish talking about fisherman

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

'Son, I told you before: If you circle your prey for too long, you get dizzy...'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Scuba: 'You call that a knot, now this is a knot.'

'It was this big. I swear'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

"He's a keeper!"

Two Men Angler's In A Storm.

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'I win!'

Angler poses with mermaid catch.

'To think we used to complain about a little flotsam and jetsam.'

'It's grossed over a billion dollars. Let's go see the Titanic wreck.'

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

"Have ye seen a whale that matches this swatch?"

'Lucas A Non Lucendo.'

"I thought it was deeper here."

Lighthouse attracts ships like moths