Scapegoat Specialist T-Shirts

Boss: 'It'd be really easy for me to play the blame game at this point...'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Lap fish..."

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

Caliologist

'Aw,hunting season is a cleansing time. A time to forget about my worries...'

'This it is, Ferguson! Finally, we found the legendary, mysterious snowmen crematory!'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

New York Scatological Society

'The 79 cent fish ate the $2.50 fish - shall I charge him $3.29 for it now?'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

Diner. We're out of link sausages. Are patties okay? Any pork in a storm!

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

'The escargots are underdone.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Fish Farm.

Frog Flycatcher.

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

"Sure, I can help you improve your mating call: that's my specialty..."

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

Veterinarian at a large animal clinic staring up at a huge beast.

"Have you been upsetting the dog again, Leo?"

"How goes the farm-raised salmon?"

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"An intruder will be pretty surprised when he meets me pit bull, Jesus."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Just one work, son, 'Acquaculture'."