Escargot Expert T-Shirts

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Fishing Tales

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

Alarmistclock

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"We've had to introduce measures lately to stop the entomology department from knocking off early on a Friday."

'...and that's the one that got away!'

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

'The escargots are underdone.'

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'For the life of me I can't see how cooking over a fire, bathing under a spigot and sleeping on the ground can be fun!'

"I've spent the last 6 months teaching myself escapology."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

'Looks like rain. I'm finishing for the day!'

'This is what I've been waiting for-a bunch of fishermen telling fish stories.'

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

'Nutcrackers! I take it this is the first time you've had snails, sir?'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Yes, you're right... This dinner invitation from the French Embassy is highly suspicious!'

'You were featured on Rogue Traders'

"When Dennis gets a cold everyone has to know about it"

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

Submarine Disguise

"I'm really in the mood for a good drama tonight."

'That's right, sir - they ate the salad.'

Snail Gumball Machine.

"And now we come to the award for Escapologist of The Year. . ."

"He's ready to retire but the removal of the triple lock could be a problem."