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"Would you like him to sign a copy for you?"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

The DaVinci Code

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'You know too much,'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

'You've got to help me, Doc! I've got a crush on St. Valentine all Year!!'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"And Rooney's stretchered off the pitch after managing to stick his foot in his mouth..."

'Will you be my Valentine?'

'I'm sorry you've seen me, now I'll have to kill you.'

Pete was too shy to tell Jenny how he really felt about her instead he just sent flowers over the internet.

Elusive Shadow.

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

Mary Trump

"We're going public with our stock AND your philandering."

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

Trump returns home

"Sir, your new campaign manager is here."

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

Trumpled

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

Tennis corruption

Rupert Murdoch in the mud.

'I want a scurrilous biography. If it was good enough for Getty, it will be good enough for me.'

VW scandal

"You never saw a tax haven. Now look into this light.