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Victory Speech for Sale

"My employer is looking for someone to secretly record his conversations."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"And Rooney's stretchered off the pitch after managing to stick his foot in his mouth..."

"Sir, your new campaign manager is here."

Trump returns home

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

"We're going public with our stock AND your philandering."

Mary Trump

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

"It's the American version, type in 'Adultery' and it comes out with 'Inappropriate relationship' "

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

VW scandal

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

"You never saw a tax haven. Now look into this light.

Trumpled

"Come on now answer the question, I want something that can be taken out of context and make the show go viral on twitter."

Gulliver's Travails

Rupert Murdoch in the mud.

'I want a scurrilous biography. If it was good enough for Getty, it will be good enough for me.'

Tennis corruption

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."

1998: A Look Back

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

'Scooter' Libby.

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."