Scampi Enthusiast T-Shirts

'What would you like for dinner?'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Czarcasm

AA Meeting Here Today

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

"Eat me"

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Where do you think we are in the food chain right now?"

Camping-Pong

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

A couple sit in front of their RV drinking wine while looking at birds sitting in front of a a small RV in a tree also drink wine.

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'