Scalpel Enthusiast Gifts

'I love working on these lawyers. They only have two parts, their mouths and their rears...and those are interchangeable.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Decapitated coffee.

'This will only hurt for a moment.'

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

The Sculptor

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Grim Reaper Snack Bar

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"Al Gore happens to be a friend of mine."

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

"Don't let it bother you. The doctor told my wife it would keep her mind sharp if she learned a new skill."

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

Anatomy.

"It's okay. The chainsaw runs on biofuel."

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

Ted never got used to hitchhikers on November 2nd, the Day of the Dead.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'Heretofore unnoticed resemblance between G. Washington and A. Lincoln'

"Oh no, it's the Grim Streaker."

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

Spring Cleaning