Knife Enthusiast Gifts

Explorers come across knife sharpening business in jungle.

The Sharpest thing there is: Christ's Pocket Knife

"Don't let it bother you. The doctor told my wife it would keep her mind sharp if she learned a new skill."

'This will only hurt for a moment.'

'It's called a kukri and they never sheath them without drawing blood, you know.'

'I'm a butcher by trade.'

HEAD CHEF - A chef collects the heads of the chefs that rank below him.

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

"This is a silencerfor my dagger..."

Looking Daggers

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"Harry?... Is that you?"

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Biro Diversity

"Al Gore happens to be a friend of mine."

Penguins in the form of writing Pens

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

A man crosses a fountain pen bridge to reach books.

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

Je Suis Charlie

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"This next song I just wrote, and it's called 'I Hate Fountain Pens.'"

Murderous Chef

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Steadman - The Early Years.

Spilled Ink