Scalp Scholarship Gifts

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Pinara fund

"His baldness was way out of control, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

Bald man polishing head

"That's for our son. . . the one with a basketball scholarship!"

"Actually I'm doing this to stand out more in the scholarly community."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'

Roads Scholar

'I'll need the large blade on this lawyer...I'm performing a radical crapendectomy.'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'

"Hey... Where'd everybody go?"

Hoping to convince the university that he is worthy of a wrestling scholarship, Nick pins the director of admissions in 13 seconds.

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

'He's here to see you about a basketball scholarship.'

'Mo got a hardship grant to attend university.'

Guillaume Bude

'The only mystery remaining is, who wins the scholarship to Sherlock Holmes University...'

"I gotta know if I'm gonna pass the big history test tomorrow! I can't remember who fought in the industiral revolution, and my scholarship depends on it!"

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

'There's really no need for confusion. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in this scholarship application instructions quite clearly says ... '

"One of my boys just got a college basketball scholarship."

"Athletic scholarship."