Scholarship Award Gifts

"One of my boys just got a college basketball scholarship."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Pinara fund

Roads Scholar

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

Yearbook

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Bribes for Jabs

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

Win - win

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.