Professorship Award Gifts

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

Thinking Gears

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Make a lot of money."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

University Soapflakes

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Yearbook

U of Debt

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Win - win

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

Bearded Leftie.

Fishing Boat Derby

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'