Satirical Visionary Gifts

The puppet master

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

Under new blame.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Coronavirus Windmills

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

Large print e-book.

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'