Satirical Visionary Gifts

The puppet master

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

The World's Biggest Book Club

Under new blame.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

Coronavirus Windmills

Large print e-book.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'