Satirical Santa Fan Pillows

Santa on street corner.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Pole dancers

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Accept cookies?

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

I brake for Jetliners.

Santa's elevator

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Ho! Ho! Ho! From North Pole.

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

'Hunting doesn't make you naughty, it's natural: Santa knows that...'

"He's coming out halo first!"

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

For Santa's Drone

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Give the little bastards what they want!"

'Apparently the thieves were looking for the gold, frankincense and myrrh.'

'You are the unwisest man...goodbye.'

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

Gold, Frankenstein and Myrr ?

'Santa doesn't need us any more. He just sits at his computer and sends out music and film downloads.'

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"Damn!. . . Another boil. . . Every Christmas Eve sure as clockwork!"

"I should have known when they started letting kids at the mall sit in the lap of someone dressed up as Jeff Bezos."

Boy Clause