Satirical Meditation Gifts

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Lesbians for Christ

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

Zenboni

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

Out for lunch... GOD

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

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