Satirical Meditation Pillows

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

Lesbians for Christ

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Zenboni

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Out for lunch... GOD

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'